Mentally strong people have the ability to think in “3D”, Controlling our thoughts, supervising our feelings and acting productively even if the circumstances don’t allow it. Whoever gets this safe thought triangle working – will have a strong mental state, The others – will have to work a bit for it.
The biggest block from success is in our heads and its controlling our thinking pattern. We are creatures of habit and tend to repeat mistakes and wrong patterns that are currently comfortable for us, but still – it doesn’t mean there is no room for change.
If you think about it, most of our thoughts aren’t realistic but based on experience of guessing more than we actually know. Its hard to see the things as they are and we ‘throw’ too many feelings on the facts.
Here are some of the classic mistakes most of us fail in, by David Brens book “Feeling good: The New Mood Therapy”
1. All or nothing
We often see the reality as black or white, You might divide your colleagues to “good” and “bad”. You might be categorizing every project of yours as “success” or “fail”. Try looking at the gray parts and understand reality is not so dichotomous.
2. Comprehensiveness and exaggeration
Its very easy to take an event from our lives and throw it on the rest of our live events and that’s a thinking disaster. If you didn’t close one deal you might say “I’m bad at closing deals”, if someone in your family acted wrong to you – you might think “All my family members are bad”. Try to not throw one event on everything, Sometimes its just one specific situation thats not supposed to point out anything but the situation itself.
3. Pay attention to the positive and not just the negative
If 9 good things happen to us and only one bad thing – we tend to notice the bad one more than the good that happened before it. It’s in our nature to notice the negative instead of remembering the good things. We can say “it was a bad day” even though some good things happened simultaneously. We also tend to look back on a day and claim “we sucked” over one little mistake. This situation won’t allow you to see the realistic point of view. Try to create a balance way of thought, the kind that takes in account the bad AND the good.
4. Reading minds
We can’t read each other’s minds, however – this doesnt stop us from trying to constantly get in the other’s head. Thinking things like “He must’ve thought i was stupid on that date” can make you think things that are not even related to reality, Maybe yes and maybe not –
It’s useless to assume things if there is no based facts, remind yourself that you might be wrong on analyzing the other and that you don’t have the tools to know what they think. In short – Don’t think about it.
5. Make a catastrophe from nothing
Sometimes we assume the things are much worse than they really are. If in one month you had financial problems and didn’t achieve your goals, you might tell yourself “I have no future, I will go bankrupt”, “I’ll never have enough money to retire peacefully”, You will constantly think these bad thoughts even though ‘on paper’, there are no proofs for that whatsoever. Sometimes one hard month is exactly that – just ONE hard month.
6. Emotional Excuses
Our emotions are not based on reality but sometimes we assume they are. You might be stressed over a career change and think to yourself “If im afraid from a change in my career, so maybe i really shouldn’t”. Then you might ‘seduce’ yourself to a distorted line of thought of “If I think i’m a loser I must be a loser.”. Feelings are like thoughts: Not based on reality. Trust me, you’ll feel much better later.
7. Labeling everything and everyone
If your neighbor made a mistake once you might call him an “idiot” and that’s how you’ll always see him. When we label an experience or a someone – we actually make one thing define it and it will affect our whole thinking process towards it. It’s better to avoid over-labeling since it will make us stay in one place mentally and in a very wrong way. Want a label? Buy some Nike shoes, but let your mind go free.
8. Fortune telling
Leave this field for people who insist in reading your coffee. Sometimes we adopt this ‘prophet sense’ and declare that tomorrow “I will make a joke out myself” or “If I start a diet i’ll gain everything back anyway” and be sure about one thing: It WILL be exactly that if you truly believe it. Stop playing “what if” and focus on doing the maximum at any given moment.
Even though the world doesn’t spin around us we tend to believe it does. If a friend didnt call us we’d think “He is probably mad at me” and if a colleague at work is in a bad mood we might think “he really dislikes me”. Well, you might be surprised but not everything is about you. Sometimes the other person just had a rough day or the colleague just might be tired. Try making a plan in your brain for more behavioural options and not think everything starts and ends with you.
10. Unfair comparisons
The nonstop comparisons between yourself and others would never help and are unfair. Who knows what help others succeed. Its hard to know if he had luck, connections, money or special opportunities. Whatever it is, You can’t know the whole picture and it can depress motivation comparing such things and say “I was suppose to be as good as he is”. Focus on your own personal success and not the one of others.